 When your world is spinning all around, you tend to seek out normal things to do. Things that you (or I) may have mindlessly done many times over just because. Things like scrolling social media, finding cute new things to wear, buying toilet paper, more unnecessary candles, another cup of coffee from a local favorite shop or some Chick-fil-A.
As I do these things, I often stop for a moment and think, “Why am I doing this?” The answer: Because, for one moment, maybe even 10 seconds, I want everything to return to normal. To pretend my husband doesn’t have a significant tumor in his brain and that our world has not just flipped upside down. Of course, in the flip there is beauty found in so many amazing conversations, along with acts of kindness and encouragement in every way possible. While I don’t for any reason want to appear ungrateful, I still wish this good could appear in a different way. I suspect several of you might feel the same way. Can we just go back to a month ago when we were planning a summer trip; six months ago, as we figured out when to have the Christmas get together? Or a year ago, as we went to a fun concert, maybe even __ years ago when we went on that epic trip, etc., — the list goes on. Within this paradigm, I think it’s pretty normal to wish and hope for something different. Even in the midst of this “crazy,” I am reminded to stay in the moment and to keep trusting God with what is next - believing that whatever is to come is still filled with goodness. Is it hard to really do this? Do I have my doubts? Yes, of course. But I am trying. And holding tight. We’ve got this friends! Because we have each other and God by our side. As we sit here, let’s keep celebrating the good we have seen.
1 Comment
Stephanie K.
5/9/2019 07:29:58 am
Everything you are feeling is 100 percent normal. My personal belief is that God sits with us even in the dark places, even when we don’t understand what’s going on and badly want things to be different. I believe God gives us resilience, critical thinking skills and yes, even good friends, laughter and fun moments to work through the emotions and steps that we have to take in order to process and get through hard times. They are all part of the “goodness” in their own way. All of those things can exist at the same time, and they are all vital parts of the bigger picture, even when we don’t know what’s coming next. Leave a Reply. |
About UsIn April of 2019, we learned that Josh had a large brain tumor, a glioblastoma, in the middle of his brain. At the age of 41, this was quite the surprise. Josh sadly passed away after a short battle on September 30, 2019.
View his obituary These past months, we've navigated the complexities of treatment, and hospice care and learned that there wasn't really treatment and that in Josh's case, the tumor was inoperable. We're sharing our hearts and experience as we navigate this unexpected turn and God's goodness in the middle of it. We hope to encourage others by sharing our story. Thank you for following along with our journey even in grief. Feel free to message us. If you'd like to donate to medical expenses, here's a link or you can email us questions Previous posts
October 2019
More about Josh & JennJenn Brown is the author of this site, a loving wife and communications guru.
Josh Brown most recently served on staff at Fellowship Bible Church in NWA as a Springdale Community Pastor. We've served in ministry in Missouri, Texas, Virginia and Nevada. Cancer has been big part of our story. Josh has battled cancer three times already with the first to being non-Hodgkins lymphoma at ages 15 and 25 and the third thyroid cancer last year and a GBM, brain tumor this year. Jenn's mom, Carol passed away from breast cancer 21 years ago and her father also went through treatments for Chronic Leukemia (CLL) in 2017 and is doing well now. Friends & FamilyWe have been so encouraged by friends and family. Thank you for the practical ways you are caring for us! We love you all! This is just few photo highlights of some meaningful moments.
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