New Cars, Fresh Tears, Road Trips Remembered

The new Rogue and old Ravi side-by-side. #blackandwhite

On Monday night, I bought a car!

And on a day that typically should be fun, exciting and fulfilling, I melted with sorrow the moment the private sellers and my mother-in-law left the parking lot – leaving me alone with my cool new car.

This meant that the first great moment in my sleek, black Nissan Rogue was me garnishing it with tears. Ugh!

I couldn’t help but think how Josh should be there with me, meeting the other great couple, married less than six months who were excited to sell the car. We should be laughing together, cruising down Hwy. 112 together and celebrating the fact that we finally, after 13 years, bought another new/used car. But none of that happened on purchase day.

Instead, my mother-in-law came with me to get the car while Josh stayed at home resting in the hospital bed. Then, we went to get ice cream and needed Josh supplies. It was still good but not the same.

Along with the emotions, it fells so strange to even buy a car. Yes, it was a good deal. And yes, our old Ravi is not running great and has 290,000 miles - and an upgrade is long overdue. And, we had planned on getting one this summer before our lives took an unexpected turn.

For the past three days, I've told myself, "it’s okay to get a new car. We can still move forward a little." But at the end of the day, I really just wanted Josh with me sharing in the adventure of it all. He still is part of it, of course, but in a different way. He smiled each time I told him my car shopping and test drive stories, and made big eyes when I told him it was officially in the garage (last night) – that was a really, joyous moment.

Of course, we definitely don’t need three cars, so that means we’ll be selling old Ravi for not much. In my mind, no value can be placed on this car full of memories, but I am sure mechanics will not agree. Our Toyota has been our adventure vehicle since 2006. We’ve drove this car hard - adding approximately 260,000 miles to the odometer as we traveled from coast to coast, down all kinds of roads, just the two of us and with various friends. We’ve been stressed while driving the 5-speed across snowy mountain roads, in Dallas traffic, and on the hills of San Francisco (to name a few). We've laughed and cried in this car. Upgrading means saying goodbye to a car that feels like it is part of us.

For like two years, Josh has said we need to get rid of the car and get something newer, something "more reliable." I can actually still hear his “it’s time to get rid of the car speech,” so apart of me is happy he gets to see us finally move forward – even before hitting 300,000 miles (my original goal).

So yea! We got a car! How do I celebrate this? How strange.

I’ll celebrate because God provided an opportunity I didn’t expect and because it’s still okay to enjoy things like a new car even when life is messy. (This is my own pep talk).

Of course, fixing my eyes just on the new shiny car isn't enough to fill my soul, it's fun for sure but fixing my eyes on Jesus offers a more sustainable feature.

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God--
soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He’s my God.
- Psalm 42:11 (The Message)

* Point of clarification: With this news, I do want to acknowledge that many people have donated to help with medical costs and none of these funds were used for the car purchase. You may not care either way but I don’t want anyone to think we are getting crazy here - well, we are crazy but you know what I mean.

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A Ravi Highlight Reel