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Journey with Josh

Navigating hope in the midst of brain cancer

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Home Together

7/20/2019

24 Comments

 
Picture
Discharging from the hospital can be great news. It often indicates a bit of recovery and everyone is glad to be headed home. While going home on Wednesday was a positive change, our departure did not make us feel like celebrating.
 
In fact, I was holding back tears as my brother-in-law helped load Josh in ole Ravi (our adventure vehicle). I continued leaking tears as we drove home and finally decided some music might help. I turned on the Hamilton soundtrack set to One Last Time, “George Washington’s going home…” to lighten the mood. It indeed helped.
 
We embarked on our return trip home with a heavy heart. You see, we discharged from the hospital without a plan to return to treatment through oncology but instead to begin hospice care. There is much weight and meaning to this word. And over the past several days, we have discussed in-depth with the doctors, nurses, family and friends what it means.
 
What we’ve come to realize is that the treatments have really weakened Josh’s body. He is now battling additional issues that are complex, and at times equally life-threatening, including blood clots, bleeding, pneumonia and non-recovering platelets levels, etc. We're in a cycle that is not good or easy to fix.
 
While last week’s MRI showed signs that the brain tumor may have shrunk slightly, it is still located in a really bad spot and continues to be inoperable.
 
We were and still are hoping for more positive news. Even in the midst of knowing that GBMs are some of the hardest kinds of cancers to treat, it is a gut-punch to shift to this plan. Even saying, typing and sharing the words hospice is hard.
 
While facing this reality, we still cling to fragments of hope. Our doctor reassured us many times that we can still evaluate Josh, check his levels and even meet with her. If Josh appears to gain strength or improve we can move out of hospice and reevaluate treatment options - which even still are limited. For now, hospice allows us to receive the most consistent care while remaining in the comfort of our home. The focus is on enjoying time together in our home, with family, friends and even our pups.
 
This is in no way easy. Our hearts are very heavy. And there's still a lot of uncertainty.
 
Josh does understand what’s happening but is weak and still has trouble sharing many words or even at times the right ones. Simple things like standing up and moving a few steps are a struggle that calls for some extra hands and help along with creative thinking.
 
Of course, many tears have been shared as we continue to process this as family and friends. While, it’s natural to want to ask the question, “How much time is there?” We, of course, can’t answer this.
(Ecclesiastes 3:11).
 
Instead, we continue to take one day at a time, choosing to see and embrace each moment together.  
 
God continues to be evident, providing strength that I don’t even understand as I love and care for my husband in new, complex ways.
 
I continue to pray for more moments, smiles and adventures as I trust in a God who can do anything. Each day, I try to remember the joyful moments – and strive to not get swallowed up in the not so great ones.
 
There is joy to still be found in watching movies together, eating meals together and even navigating new challenges together. Because, as the sign on our living room wall says,
​
“Together is a wonderful place to be.”
 
In the midst of this, I am beyond thankful for family and friends who surround us in this season. God’s love is being displayed greatly by so many people who care so much and want to do any and everything.

Thank you all!!

 
Please continue to pray for good moments, wisdom and so much more.

24 Comments
Jared Nelson
7/21/2019 05:37:21 am

Michelle and I miss you guys and are praying. I’ve been listening to “Rivers and Roads” some lately and remembering our Road Trip. Tell Josh we love him and are thinking of him. Wish we were there. -Jared

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Tina
7/21/2019 08:51:48 am

I am fervently praying for both of you. Thank you for sharing your difficult journey.

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Melody Taylor
7/21/2019 05:57:09 am

Dear Jennifer, I am in Africa. Praying for you so often over the past weeks and months as you share about your journey. May God bless you sweet saint as you trust him in the valleys. I love you and admire you greatly. Praying.

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Jeremy Crow
7/21/2019 06:18:11 am

Jennifer / Josh - I am praying for you, Josh and your families. Thank you for sharing your journey and your faith is inspiring. I am praying for daily wisdom, strength and healing...

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Bonnie Leicht
7/21/2019 06:18:53 am

Praying for you both 💜

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Dawn
7/21/2019 06:19:33 am

Jenn, I continue to pray for you both and for the new little adventures you find each day. From the 50th anniversary of the moon landing to whatever comes next. I love you!

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James Bebout
7/21/2019 06:23:25 am

My heart is breaking for you guys. Praying for a miracle.

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Beth Fisher
7/21/2019 06:28:42 am

Jen, our thoughts and prayers are with you both as you walk through these precious days. We pray for God's arms of comfort to wrap you both in His love and to give you utmost confidence in His plans through all this. We just read in Streams, "When the plowman plows a furrow, he purposes a crop." Your crops will be beautiful and bountiful.

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Susan
7/21/2019 06:49:29 am

Oh Jenn
You are both a light to so many, even now. I always appreciated both of you for your love - for each other, for God, for truth, for seeking, for the church, for others. Please tell Josh we love him. We always think of our few special small group times and his laugh. He was a blessing to us while at ABC. You are a light and a leader. You inspire me continually. Thank you for your honest sharing. We love you both and are praying for you.

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Ellen Willis
7/21/2019 07:01:29 am

Oh sweet Lady. Wish I could reach through this screen and just hug you and not let go for a while. I continue to pray for you and Josh. This must have been the toughest decision in the world to make. The faith you have in God is truly on display. And I also know that it makes all the difference in the world. I love you both and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that this will be the best transition. ❤️ Love you!!

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Tim Martin
7/21/2019 07:21:31 am

Josh and Jenn, thanks for the many updates. We pray for both of you daily, asking God to meet your needs and bring healing. Our time with you at ABC was special and full of many very happy memories. Josh, listening to you share from the pulpit was inspiring. Jenn, I think of you making pony tail hearts with your hair and helping Brooke do the same. Josh, hiking with you was a treat. You are both special people full of God’s love! We love you and our prayers continue! Tim Martin and family

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Juli Marlow
7/21/2019 08:33:41 am

Jenn and Josh

I wish I can be there to comfort you my friend Jenn. Though we did not have much time spent together, I feel so sad for you both. But I know you're strong in the Lord and though there are some struggles we must endure for a little while, our heavenly home is waiting for us where there will be no more pain.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Love you both and stay strong.

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West Family
7/21/2019 09:31:03 am

Jenn and Josh, we are praying alongside of you both through all of this. We love you both!

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Chris Sunderland
7/21/2019 11:54:17 am

Your kindness left a mark here in Northern Nevada. You guys are forever in our prayers.

We love you.

God Bless you.

Chris, Tammy and Austin Sunderland

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Charlie P
7/21/2019 11:58:25 am

I love you both. It is hard to read your words and not sink in to desperation (even as brave as they are written) . Josh you are so a wonderful person and I am praying for you brother. Keep fighting the good fight.... Jen I find encouragement in your strength. "Lifted on wings of Eagles " that IAm certain. Thank you for sharing the rawness of your Journey. I love you both and the memories we share together. Wish I sas there to give a hug. Adventure on.... in any manner possible jn the moment. Love ya

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Steven Adams
7/21/2019 12:30:16 pm

My heart aches for you both. You are loved. Thank you for courageously sharing your story. I am grateful for every post.

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Nina Fuhr
7/21/2019 02:55:17 pm

You are such a grown up woman, but to me; you are little Jennifer.
There is no way anyone can walk this journey for you. If that was possible many of us would. Let Hospice do all they want to. It will give you the time and energy for your precious husband. All you can do is to turn it over to God and you already know that. Prayers will continue for you always. Love you so much, Jen.

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Kelly Hesse
7/21/2019 05:35:34 pm

Our hearts are heavy for you all. Hospice is a great option & truly can be stopped at any moment. We will continue to pray. Jenn, we are so sorry to hear this news.

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John A Liddell
7/21/2019 06:20:20 pm

Grateful for you guys and everything you did at lifepoint while you were out here. May God's peace and healing be upon you both.

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Doug and Erica
7/22/2019 07:13:12 am

We love you guys and continue to pray for you both! We think the world of you both and are praying for you each as you go through this time. We have so much respect for you two and your love of God. We know He’s right here with you all and so are we!

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Brian Bittiker
7/22/2019 10:57:47 am

Hi Josh and Jenn, I'm so sorry you're going through this. All of us at DTS love you and are praying for you. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). May He give you grace to continue trusting.

We love you.

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Mark Marsella
7/23/2019 11:50:31 am

Praying daily for the Brown Collective! In a time of trial and tears I recall sitting with my pastor-dude friend Josh and I'll never forget how you reminded me that we are to Abide in Christ in all times and through all things, while resting in knowing that He abides in us.

1John 4:13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

Praying that His Spirit rises up and fills you both with supernatural love, joy and peace as you rest and rely on the truth that HE IS ABLE, HE IS PRESENT and HE IS WITH YOU.

You Are Loved!

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Lorinda
7/24/2019 09:08:32 am

Our singles Community Group continues to pray for both of you. You are loved!

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Dave and Anita
7/29/2019 09:18:11 am

Sweet Browns,

What words can we say but that we love you both and trust you feel surrounded by hope and strength. Our lives have been so enriched by you both and we are grateful for the time God had you here in Nevada. Our lives are ALL but a vapor each day is a gift to live and serve our mighty God. May you find peace in these days, comfort in the future ahead and an assurance that Jesus is walking by your side always. He will carry you through and will continue to be the one set of footprints 👣 in the sand. LifePoint will continue to pray for you both as will we.

The Swearingens ❣️

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    About Us

    In April of 2019, we learned that Josh had a large brain tumor, a glioblastoma, in the middle of his brain. At the age of 41, this was quite the surprise. Josh sadly passed away after a short battle on September 30, 2019. 
    View his obituary


    These past months, we've  navigated the complexities of treatment, and hospice care and learned that there wasn't really treatment and that in Josh's case, the tumor was inoperable.

    We're sharing our hearts and experience as we navigate this unexpected turn and God's goodness in the middle of it. We hope to encourage others by sharing our story. 

    Thank you for following along with our journey even in grief. 

    Feel free to message us.

    If you'd like to donate to medical expenses, here's a link or you can email us questions

    Previous posts

    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019

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    More about Josh & Jenn

    Jenn Brown is the author of this site, a loving wife and communications guru. 

    Josh Brown most recently served on staff at Fellowship Bible Church in NWA as a Springdale Community Pastor. We've served in ministry in Missouri, Texas, Virginia and Nevada.

    Cancer has been big part of our story. Josh has battled cancer three times already with the first to being non-Hodgkins lymphoma at ages 15 and 25 and the third thyroid cancer last year and a GBM, brain tumor this year.

    Jenn's mom, Carol passed away from breast cancer 21 years ago and her father also went through treatments for Chronic Leukemia  (CLL) in 2017 and is doing well now.  
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    Friends & Family

    We have been so encouraged by friends and family. Thank you for the practical ways you are caring for us! We love you all! This is just few photo highlights of some meaningful moments.

Have an awesome day!
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