The Instability of Grief

Photo from Rocky Mountain NP on the edge of Many Parks Curve.

I could blame today’s emotions on the changing weather, not enough sleep, a bit of work drama but ultimately at root it is just grief.

I recently read a list of “symptoms of grief” when I was just researching the topic (for fun?) - what I realized in the process is that I am actually experiencing all of the symptoms. There is no doubt I am in it,  in the thick of it. At the month and a half mark since Josh passed away, and over seven months into this season of great change and hard stuff, I am still a mess often.

Not wanting to wallow in but also wanting to face it honestly while still trying to sense of it. I fight to try to understand it somehow yet I might not ever. This is part of our natural human instinct to try to solve a problem and survive. This effort carries over to my faith journey too. Part of faith is continuing to run the race, as referenced in Hebrews 12:1, but as I told a few people this week, it’s hard to really run the race if you have a broken leg or rather had a recent heart surgery.

My wound is not visible which makes it all the more complex but does make it hard to really rush full-speed ahead. Only a few hours into my random Thursday and it’s been a doozy. I am moving forward like a sloth while clinging to God’s truth - this time a verse found in Nahum 1:7.

The Lord is good,
A stronghold in the day of trouble,
And He knows those who take refuge in Him.
​
___________________
Reference: The Five Stages of Grief
This is an interesting article and as always all the aspects of grief and how people walk through are super complex and debatable.

---