I could blame today’s emotions on the changing weather, not enough sleep, a bit of work drama but ultimately at root it is just grief.
I recently read a list of “symptoms of grief” when I was just researching the topic (for fun?) - what I realized in the process is that I am actually experiencing all of the symptoms. There is no doubt I am in it, in the thick of it. At the month and a half mark since Josh passed away, and over seven months into this season of great change and hard stuff, I am still a mess often.
Not wanting to wallow in but also wanting to face it honestly while still trying to sense of it. I fight to try to understand it somehow yet I might not ever. This is part of our natural human instinct to try to solve a problem and survive. This effort carries over to my faith journey too. Part of faith is continuing to run the race, as referenced in Hebrews 12:1, but as I told a few people this week, it’s hard to really run the race if you have a broken leg or rather had a recent heart surgery.
My wound is not visible which makes it all the more complex but does make it hard to really rush full-speed ahead. Only a few hours into my random Thursday and it’s been a doozy. I am moving forward like a sloth while clinging to God’s truth - this time a verse found in Nahum 1:7.
The Lord is good,
A stronghold in the day of trouble,
And He knows those who take refuge in Him.
Reference: The Five Stages of Grief
This is an interesting article and as always all the aspects of grief and how people walk through are super complex and debatable.
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.