Today I had good cry on Mother’s Day - maybe you did too. It could be because you are missing your own mother. Perhaps it's because your child (of any age) passed away, or that you couldn’t have children and are grieving that loss.
Big holidays like today stir up the emotions easily. For me, it seems that taking time to mow, a task my late husband really loved, also cut some fresh feelings within me. The outdoor time had me thinking about how we tried to have our own kids for many years in many ways, and it didn’t happen. This acceptance still stings and had me wishing he was here to talk about it. Of course, I also thought about my mom and the wonderful memories we had growing up and how I wish she was here to share her wisdom with me.
I recently told someone whose mom passed away this year that, “You never stop missing your mom.” Each story is different and there are people with complicated relationships all around, but still this special day contains layers of grief. Like the rings found inside a tree (or as I recently learned, a large hail stone), we carry with us that love, the memories, and the wishes for more time with our loved ones. These feelings are etched into our ongoing lives. And sometimes these feelings will just bust out - they are too heavy to stay in (also like hail from a cloud).
So, in my post-mowing Mother’s Day cry . . . I had to take a moment to bust out/write/process. This post is for anyone who just might need a good cry today . . . to remind you that it’s ok.
It is still also possible to celebrate in the midst of the sorrow. You can be thankful for the moms and women in your life and celebrate them; there are many special ladies in my life who fall in this category. Of course, being both thankful and sad does create a tension and may require you to take a few deep breaths. I also encourage you to lift up these tensions and feelings to the God who loves us the most!
“Thank you Lord for this day. Thank you for the memories with my mom, and ones with my husband. Thank you for the many women who guide and encourage. Thank you for being with me as I continue to walk out this life, cutting new grass as you carry me through each season. Thanks even for the tears that represent love.”
Happy Mother's Day to you all
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.