After a few days with friends after the New Year. I headed out on my introverted adventure. I rented a convertible (which got upgraded to a Ford Mustang - which is very fun) traveled from Sacramento to the Pacific coast. With the car top down, I weaved the highways, cutting through giant redwoods and down along side the ocean on Highway 1, eventually landing at a cozy beach side cabin north of Fort Bragg in a small town called Westwood.
My day was filled with several "wow" moments and deep breaths. Sitting by the fire pit tonight listening to the ocean roar I chatted with God. I shared my sorrow today, shared some tears and once again asked the simple question of, "Why?"
I find that I am still often run straight into the feeling of disappointment. Of course, along the way, I find beauty, adventure and joy still but I am disappointed that Josh isn’t here too to add to my joy. Continued honest conversations with God often end with a sense of comfort and a reminder that God’s plan in my life is still unfolding. During a massage with an incredible woman who prayed over me during the process, she spoke encouragement over me - words that reminded me that God is beginning a new song and that his love for me is still great (this is the same for you too!).
This year's annual birthday trip is probably one of the prettiest locations I've been too. It is refreshing, truly and I think part of the healing process that God is continuing to do. In some ways I am nervous about this weekend, what is God going to reveal. Last year, I think God was beginning to prepare my heart for 2019 but I didn’t understand that at the time.
Tonight, I take a deep breath of ocean air drifting in from the open window, and ask God to again show up in new and unexpected ways. To meet me here and now in this continued season of grief that continues to crash around me much like the ocean.
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.