Rest & Rearranging

No matter how many times I rearrange the living room there is a still an empty spot. A spot where Josh’s bed was for several weeks as his health declined. The place where I leaned over and kissed and hugged him often, where we shared life.

I have moved chairs and couches around but the space still is there and so are the memories. Our home continues to be a huge reminder that Josh isn’t here. Often I want to be anywhere but here.

The only way to get rid of this visual reminder is to sell the house, which isn’t the best idea at the moment - or is it?

I miss Josh a lot. Tears happen often on my way to and from work and at home in this place that has so often been a place of comfort. There is comfort still yet great sorrow which is not comfortable.

I continue to process and grieve on, acknowledging that there are just days when I don’t feel better about any of this. Today was the sorrow was thick - like a heavy blanket. It wears me out and does quite make sense. Why I am so tired? Because as I’ve said before, grief is exhausting.

For today, I just rest in this - not trying to rush past it but pausing and feeling it deeply, hoping that in doing so healing will continue.

I know there is hope for tomorrow and joy to be discovered.