New Nail Polish

Today began again with a few tears as I woke up thinking about Saturday's services. Soon a few text messages from friends tricked in bringing more tears as I read encouraging messages from people who attended other services held in Arkansas and Virginia in honor of Josh.  

I love hearing new stories about the impact Josh had on people's lives. How he encouraged them with a friendly smile or conversation and more. It's beautiful and hard to know that he left such a legacy. I can only hope to make a similar impact. I can't fill his shoes, even though I am part of him in so many ways, but hope to be a little bit of a bridge or reflection of this same character.

The day continued with a little bit of hibernating, watching light-hearted movies and eating way too many pumpkin cookies. A friend asked me to go with her for a pedicure which I was a bit reluctant to do because of the silliest reason - my current nail color was the last one Josh saw. Now truly, that is a weird reason to not get a pedicure but the debate echoed in my mind for several hours. I opted to move forward and do it - even if it felt weird. Ultimately, it was a wonderful time of fellowship and now I have extra cute toes with a moon and stars design which is so perfect for this new chapter.

Generally today, I felt almost like I was in a weird state of shock - like really none of this is really happening. I'm just on vacation and Josh is back in Arkansas. I know this isn't true but my mind and heart are trying to bargain/deny my way out of this current reality. This is part of the process too. 

Each day is new. Each day is different. 

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