May 18: Words, Songs & Memories

I remember the day well: May 18, 2002. All the planning, dress purchasing, flowers, tulle, candles, song lists, etc. had come together. I felt weird standing on the stage with everyone staring at us but I was excited to finally become Mrs. Josh Brown and the wedding was all that I hoped it would be.

We skipped down the isle to "O Happy Day" at the end, even though Josh's mom told us not to skip down the isle. Our bridesmaids and groomsmen followed suit. It was indeed a happy day. The ceremony was followed by cake, dancing and fun at the cafeteria of what was then the Republic Middle School. Our friends had helped put up thousands of lights, photos and more tulle to try and cover the look. I remember our first dance and many more after before we whisked away in our decorated Honda Civic on our honeymoon. Smiles all around.

I am thankful for these memories. I am thankful for the time and the many years that followed. For the joys and the sorrows.

But today, is a tough one - even with all those great memories. I tried to prepare for today, but the moment I woke up, the tears fell as I thought, "It's our anniversary, 18 years on the 18th."

Over the weekend, I had started working on a song that I finished today, which am sharing - even though it's scary. Music has always meant a lot to me. I talked about the "Come What May" song before, but often the events of my life trigger lyrics and melodies within me. I even a wrote song for Josh that played before I walked down the isle - so maybe in some ways it now seems fitting to write him a song on this anniversary.

And even as I continue grieving on, finding threads of hope and new perspectives on life, love and more, within me sits a lot of emotion. This song captures some of what rests in my heart and mind not just today but many days.

I know there is so much good that God has yet and I also see the great joy that I have had because of Josh and I's love story - what an honor to have lived even a chapter in this saga.

---

Another Melancholy Love Song

Just another melancholy love song
To express how I feel
Cause all that's within me
Is so raw and so real

It's more than the writing on the page
It's even more than I can say

Oh I miss you, everyday
And I want to forget you,
And take the sorrow away
'Cause this heartache
is a rough game to play

Just another melancholy love song
Demands this day
The day we declared our love,
'til our dying day

It's more than some words on a stage
But a lifetime of hope on display

Oh I miss you, everyday
And I want to forget you
and take the sorrow away
'Cause this heartache is
a rough song to play
But I won't forget you,
in my heart you will stay

Just another melancholy love song
And I just have to say
That I'm so very thankful
God gave us those days.

It's more than some photos in a frame
But a story of life and loss just the same

But I miss you, come what may
And I won't forget you,
til my dying day

​
###
​Music and lyrics by Jenn Brown