I Wonder...

Hundreds of thoughts pass through my mind each day. Happy, sad, curious, frustrated, etc. but as I am wrapping up this night, I look at Josh’s photo hanging in our bedroom and begin to wonder.

What is he doing right now? What IS heaven like? Will he look the same when the time comes that we see each other again? These are just few of the things I ponder in a sea of others.

Today, I listened to a new album from a group Josh and I both enjoyed, and listen to often on our road trips - the group Fort Frances and the song “The Big One.” Listen to the album here and read the lyrics (hopefully, if the link works).

The lyrics are intriguing and open with the words, “you won’t find the devil in the details” and I concur. God is in the details. The singer later states he is searching high and low for hope and truth and concludes with “our work is not done.”

It’s really great and overall caught me by surprise as a song I that Josh and I would have discussed at great length - and all the layers of theology, life and culture that it represents. This, of course, makes me miss him all the more and had me a bit teary-eyed throughout the day as I listened to the whole album a few times. 

As I wonder about Josh, and think about this song. I know I am also searching high and low for hope and truth in this season of grief. My hope is still found in Christ but I still wrestle with what that means within this grand story of love and loss.

I do know that my work is not done, God still working on and through me and all of this mess. But I still can be disappointed and that's okay too. ​