Grief Tornado

Like a sudden storm that hits, grief can try and swallow you up at times and create a mess out of things that are seemingly in order .

Life may be ticking along when suddenly a call, conversation or memento triggers a million thoughts.

Today, I opened the jewelry box to find my wedding ring. I put it on. I wore it for several hours.

I hadn't worn it in many months - So why would I put it on now?

Because I love the ring, it’s pretty. It fits my finger perfectly.  And I miss wearing it.

Beyond this, I miss being married. I miss how comfortable our relationship was and how I had learn to navigate life with someone I loved greatly, who in turn loved me greatly.

Here and now, it’s really tricky because I want that again. But that specific relationship is not one that I can have exactly. Because, that combo of people is unavailable.

Sure, I can find similar feelings and a similar connection with someone. There is a lot of opportunity for love and relationship still it is going to look different.

Putting on this old ring. I almost want to pretend Josh is just out of town - it’s my heart and mind still bargaining with truth.

However, the truth is still unavoidable.

After a little while, I put this treasured ring back in the box. I take a deep breath and ask for God’s wisdom in trusting him more as I navigate my future next steps - whatever this means.