Like a sudden storm that hits, grief can try and swallow you up at times and create a mess out of things that are seemingly in order .
Life may be ticking along when suddenly a call, conversation or memento triggers a million thoughts.
Today, I opened the jewelry box to find my wedding ring. I put it on. I wore it for several hours.
I hadn't worn it in many months - So why would I put it on now?
Because I love the ring, it’s pretty. It fits my finger perfectly. And I miss wearing it.
Beyond this, I miss being married. I miss how comfortable our relationship was and how I had learn to navigate life with someone I loved greatly, who in turn loved me greatly.
Here and now, it’s really tricky because I want that again. But that specific relationship is not one that I can have exactly. Because, that combo of people is unavailable.
Sure, I can find similar feelings and a similar connection with someone. There is a lot of opportunity for love and relationship still it is going to look different.
Putting on this old ring. I almost want to pretend Josh is just out of town - it’s my heart and mind still bargaining with truth.
However, the truth is still unavoidable.
After a little while, I put this treasured ring back in the box. I take a deep breath and ask for God’s wisdom in trusting him more as I navigate my future next steps - whatever this means.
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.