Facebook Official

I am no longer married. That’s a given right? I mean I wouldn’t be dating someone if I was married. And you can’t be married to someone who is no longer living. I could go with the thought of, “You’ll always be married in your heart” but that doesn’t seem quite right either . . .

Alas . . . this is a lot of rambling and rumbling just to acknowledge yet another step in the life of being a widow - changing your Facebook status.

My process was gradual. I had started to change my status to widow but then had to figure out how to memorialize my late husband Josh’s account - which I haven’t done. So the next easiest thing was just to hide my relationship status - which worked really well for a while.

I had posted pictures of my new “someone special” but not officially declared who HE was - until this weekend.

And no, you don’t have to officially declare this to make it a real relationship, but we all know how that goes. So, after dating, we decided to officially let the world know that we are in fact in a relationship. How fun! What an exciting step.

Generally, in life I love celebrating the big and small things - and it is quite fun to show cute couple pictures and to declare in fact, I do really care for this person.

But hold the press . . . this excitement doesn’t take away the tender feeling that comes with officially changing my status to be “in a relationship with” another man! Doing this meant that my late husband's (not yet officially memorialized social media account) no longer lists me as his wife.

Two days it ago his profile stated for all to see, “Josh B  . . .  married to Jennifer B .” Today, a day after changing my status, his profile simply says “married” but not to me. Now I am back to my opening line statement - insert  :{   (weird emoji face)

Of course, I am getting in the thick of the social media weeds here, but such is life today, seemingly. In a world where we all often declare our joys, struggles, frustrations, relationship status, etc . . .,  many emotions can flare up. We can be so easy to compare our lives to others. We can use social media for good or bad or just for mind numbing. We can use it for affirmation (which isn’t a good idea) or just to communicate (which is good).

I admit it’s fun to see the likes and love and know that friends still support me even in the transition. But trust me, I know it is still weird in parts, and the change doesn’t come without a nod to what was.

One of the wonderful parts of my new relationship is that I can be very honest with my process and the grief that trails along the way. It’s not a secret that I was married and that we had a good marriage. It is not a secret that I hope to love, laugh and share life with someone again. I live in a world where both stories can exist.

For any fellow widows/widowers out there wondering about dating, my encouragement is to keep being you and let your love story exist in both places. You are who you are because of what has happened to you, and the love you shared.

You are where you are for those same reasons. Your story is still beautiful. You might have to take a risk and you might have to keep wrestling out the big and small pieces but you are strong and God’s love is even stronger.