One of the challenges of grief after a labor of love of caretaking is the physical impact that can hit after. For me, this has led to some increasing back issues, causing pain and making it hard for me to do a lot of things I would rather be doing. I power through many days but this weekend, the pain hit me hard and I was so sad to cancel plans to attend the MU/Arkansas basketball game I was so looking forward. To top it off, my guest was to be the amazing Julie Brown. Double sad!!
Instead, I rested at my home in Springfield* part of the day, watching some of this game and KU/Baylor with friends over pizza. I eventually drove home in the afternoon still in pain.
As I headed west(ish), a small rainbow appeared in the clouds. You know the one, not like a regular rainbow, but a small shaft of one uniquely placed in the sky - a floating prism!
This sky surprise lifted my spirit, fueling my love of rainbows even more. To me, rainbows are still a sign of God’s presence and promise. Whenever they appear, I take notice. Today’s rainbow prism stayed with me for at least an hour of the drove back to AR. I couldn’t help but think this was God saying:
“I am here, I am with you.
I am with you in your emotional pain and even this physical pain. I see you.”
These reminders are what I desperately need, especially when I feel like I am at the end of my own strength –which I am. I want to be stronger all around, and know I am in a lot of ways, but new physical challenges, and layers of grief heartache continually bring me back to my knees as I am reminded of my desperate need for God and HIS strength to carry on.
As I look ahead, even short term, I ask for your prayers for my back and body, to know the best treatment and to find lasting relief so I can do more of the activities I enjoy and need to do as part of the grieving process.
“God said this once and for all; how many times Have I heard it repeated? “Strength comes Straight from God.” - Psalm 62:11 (The Message)
* my quick trip to Mo was to celebrate senior night for the daughter of some great friends!
It was worth the pain, last night, but today I couldn't push much harder (I'm still learning my limits).
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.