It was most ironic that my grief moment struck only moments after wondering if I still had words to write about grief.
My blog posts have drifted further apart - even though topics still swim through my mind often. You see of late, many of my thoughts have about new adventurers, work strategy, camper remodels, where I might travel, and navigating new relationships well.
It’s not that I don’t still miss my late husband, Josh, but life in this season provides new routines and areas of focus. In fact, I recently sold my teardrop camper, that I bought six months after Josh passed away - perfect for the independent explorer. I spent nearly a year playing, adventuring and camping it in, and all of the memories I had existed without Josh’s physical presence being part of the photo gallery. I was sad to sell it because it was cute, but also because it represented special memories of healing and joy intertwined. My new camper that’s bigger will have even more stories.
Back to today’s moment . . . the realization that I do in fact still have grief to navigate, to share about. A realization that stemmed from a Coke bottle.
Even though the bottles with names have been around a while, I still enjoy hunting for my name or a special friend’s name when I see them. I almost always casually glance at the first few rows to see if there is one I need - especially if Jennifer is on it.
My most recent light-hearted hunt suddenly became heavy as I put the four letters together - Share a Coke with J O S H - Ugh!
My eyes watered and the thought blasted in my mind, “I’ll never share a coke with MY Josh” - even though he didn’t even like drinking coke and wouldn’t have anyway. It was in that moment I realized, I still have more to write about grief.
Grief is part of my story and will continue to be. Even as good and wonderful things happen, even as new adventures and relationships deepen - my loss and love mix.
These moments put me in funk, but thankfully don’t completely wreck me like they once did. I see this as God’s grace. His loving, steady hand remains my rock. His eternal hope my victory. His gentle spirit my coach and guide.
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.