Jenn Brown Adventures
  • Home
    • Send a Message
  • Grieving On
  • Jennifer Brown
  • JourneywithJosh
  • Josh Brown
  • Traveling A Browns

Grieving On . . . 

Grief doesn't end but rather continues as part of our story

Award Season?

11/8/2019

0 Comments

 
PictureYes I sent myself encouraging bitmojis from Josh's phone.
​There are no awards given out for making it through a tough week, for grieving well (or even not so well).
It’s Friday, the day we often look forward to where we get to sit back and enjoy the weekend. Maybe go out to a movie, enjoy a good meal, spend more time together and just relax a bit.
​

As I walked out of the office today, I thought, “I made it. I made through a whole week.” A week where I had to tell at least 10 people why I had been out of the office, that my husband had died. I made it through five days of driving to and from work, often crying and wishing I could call Josh, like I had hundreds of times on the short drive. Confession, I actually did call his phone number every day. I didn’t leave him a message but listened to his voicemail, hung up and said a few things I might say to him anyway. I know this isn’t an uncommon thing to do in grief but not one talked about much.

The week was a success but it didn’t feel like a victory. Did people even notice? I don’t need people to congratulate me on making it through a hard week but maybe I want it to simply be acknowledged. Of course, what I really want most is to have Josh here with me agreeing and acknowledging that it was tough week. I miss his hugs and him letting me know he’s proud of me for whatever.

At the end of the day/week, what really stinks is the one person I want to hear from most is not one I can hear from today. This is still part of the wrestling process - the coming to terms with the truth of my circumstance and the heartbreak of this loss. The quiet that comes with this reality. The tears that just keep coming.

I think about the truth I have heard in the past, remembering and holding close the encouraging messages I have heard so often from Josh. Beyond this, I continue to trust in God’s great love for me that is evident even as I sit in my car with tears in my eyes and as I mope around not knowing what to do.

Abiding in God's love has never been so complicated yet so critical.

“Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.” - John 15:9

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author: Jenn

    Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer. 

    Life for me weirdly continues on and I'm continuing to share my heart and journey here in this space as a way to process and hopefully encourage others in their grief journey also. It's not easy for any of us.   

    Read more about Josh's cancer battle here.

    Follow me: #jennbrownadventures
    #grievingon

    Archives

    March 2025
    December 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    January 2024
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    May 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019

    Categories

    All
    GriefTravel
    Month 1
    Month 4
    Month 5

    RSS Feed

Have an awesome day!
Want a website like this? Contact Jenn she'll help make one for you. 
​

Have a question? E-mail us . 

  • Home
    • Send a Message
  • Grieving On
  • Jennifer Brown
  • JourneywithJosh
  • Josh Brown
  • Traveling A Browns