 There is no easy way to share hard news. Yet we have to often. Today is that day for us.
Yesterday, we sat in the oncology doctor’s office stunned as she delivered the news that Josh’s tumor is one that starts in the brain and is highly aggressive. More specifically, the cancerous tumor is called a Glioblastoma (also called GBM)*. The tumor is located in the middle of Josh’s brain with the most significant part in a location that they do not recommend operating on for fear of causing neurological damage. This means it cannot be removed surgically and that managing it happens with radiation and chemo pills. This is not the diagnosis we want to hear. And it is not a light story to retell, message, text or post. It’s tough all around. As I sit here looking for the words to say, I almost feel blank. This is most likely the shock phrase of grief which easily bounces between anger, sorrow, disbelief and more. So, what does this mean? We’ll keep praying, of course, and hoping for a miracle. We’ll also take the next steps that the doctor has for us, which begins soon with six weeks of radiation and a chemo pill. The radiation is the primary treatment. The hope with this plan is that it will help to keep the tumor from growing. As treatment happens, we’ll see how the tumor responds to determine future steps. However, treatment is not expected to get rid of the tumor. While, we trust and value the doctors here in NWA, we are planning a trip to the Mayo Clinic to seek additional counsel, just in case. At this point, I didn't ask the question of how long. Instead, I see this as we are here now so let's take steps and enjoy all the moments we can. As this news will land on many on May the fourth, I can’t help but think of Star Wars. While goofy, it is also fitting. There appears to be little hope with news like this, but we hold on to it as tight as we can and move forward one day, treatment and step at a time. We all want more time with Josh, me more than anyone. I love our adventures together both big and small. This really puts a damper on my plans. But I am thankful for our story even today. For now, I'll ask that you Join me in taking a BIG deep breath as we trust in the full force of God’s goodness be with us. * Researching this can lead you down lots of hard paths. Here's a site we recommend that covers a lot of the same information we've heard from doctors and our treatment plan.
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 At least once on the first of May, I proclaim the familiar phrase, “mayday …mayday…mayday” but often in jest rather than distress. This year feels quite different.
Distress is in the air. Honestly, I didn’t fully know the history of the mayday expression but knew it typically went along with a stressful, needy situation. In case you don’t know, “mayday” was first used in 1923 by senior radio officer, Frederick Stanley Mockford who was asked to develop a phrase to indicate distress. He opted for “mayday." The expression was a modified version of the French phrase "venez m'aider" meaning “come and help me.” How timely. Here we are on May Day (May 1), in a real sticky situation. Calling out for help from God, doctors, family, friends, coworkers and our community. The amazing part is that many are rushing to our aid. The hard part is, we are still waiting for answers. And this part of the aid seems delayed. In the midst of waiting I begin to wonder, is it easier to have hope in the in-between or when an answer is known? Is it easier to trust God in the valley or the mountaintop? I think Josh would say the answer is "yes" – that sounds like something he would say to my riddle. Throughout my life, God has been the consistent rock to lean on in the good and bad. Even with this assurance, this doesn’t mean I’m less frustrated about the whole mess or that I can easily set aside the anxious thoughts for long. Trust me, I'm a bit stressed. Even still, I find comfort in knowing that I can sit with God in this and call out in distress much like David in the Old Testament. In Psalm 86:7, David states. “When I am in distress, I call to you, because you answer me.” As I say these words today, it's hard to feel that confident but I cling to them still. For now, we wait and say a prayer of thanksgiving for the people who are sitting with us in the rescue boat, that is still stuck in the water waiting for the bigger ship to arrive. You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in their distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat. – Isaiah 25:4 (NIV) |
About UsIn April of 2019, we learned that Josh had a large brain tumor, a glioblastoma, in the middle of his brain. At the age of 41, this was quite the surprise. Josh sadly passed away after a short battle on September 30, 2019.
View his obituary These past months, we've navigated the complexities of treatment, and hospice care and learned that there wasn't really treatment and that in Josh's case, the tumor was inoperable. We're sharing our hearts and experience as we navigate this unexpected turn and God's goodness in the middle of it. We hope to encourage others by sharing our story. Thank you for following along with our journey even in grief. Feel free to message us. If you'd like to donate to medical expenses, here's a link or you can email us questions Previous posts
October 2019
More about Josh & JennJenn Brown is the author of this site, a loving wife and communications guru.
Josh Brown most recently served on staff at Fellowship Bible Church in NWA as a Springdale Community Pastor. We've served in ministry in Missouri, Texas, Virginia and Nevada. Cancer has been big part of our story. Josh has battled cancer three times already with the first to being non-Hodgkins lymphoma at ages 15 and 25 and the third thyroid cancer last year and a GBM, brain tumor this year. Jenn's mom, Carol passed away from breast cancer 21 years ago and her father also went through treatments for Chronic Leukemia (CLL) in 2017 and is doing well now. Friends & FamilyWe have been so encouraged by friends and family. Thank you for the practical ways you are caring for us! We love you all! This is just few photo highlights of some meaningful moments.
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