Ringing the Belle on 5 Years

Across from my campsite site on this 5th anniversary sits the Branson Belle. This tourist spot is your typical attraction with sing, dancing and overpriced food. The last time I was on it was in March of 2019. Josh and I, with my aunt Brenda, uncle Dan, and cousins spent time playing around and also talking about ministry and life changes. Of course, we had no idea the next month would include a brain cancer diagnosis.

While I have been looking at the Belle from my campsite for a few days now, there it was again this morning as I sat drinking my coffee, wondering why I decided to spend time reflecting on this sad date. In a way, I am just torturing myself by dwelling on the sorrow. On the other hand, I think it is important—especially this year. 

Often, due to culture and our own desire not to feel or wrestle with grief, we avoid mentioning anniversary dates like this. It just seems awkward, and at times, it’s too hard—too hard to explain, too hard to process, etc., but date markers like this are part of the story; they are part of us.

This year especially, friends and family have commented, “How can it be 5 years?” I agree and for some reason #5 feels weightier. I have no idea why, but it does.

I admit I didn’t want to just sit around being sad all day staring at the water, so I also spent time having fun by going to a theme park (Silver Dollar City). This was a good way to honor Josh, as our lives together and apart always had a mix of joy and sorrow—laughter and tears. It was a great afternoon soaking in the attractions, looking at the many, many pumpkins, and riding rollercoasters in good company.

Returning to the campsite for one last night, as the campfire flickered and I could still see the lights of the Branson Belle faintly. In the photo with this post from 2019, I wondered if, somewhere in the background, you could see the campground (but I couldn't tell).

To close out this day, there’s not much more to say but, “Wow! It’s been a season!” I expect Oct 1 (and the beginning of day 5.1) will offer some new elements in my grief story. I know there will continue to be healing.

My prayer: Lord, let me lean into your love, faithfulness, and comfort in new ways in this next section of time. Again, thank you for a life and story with Josh by my side for many years.